The first half of sophomore year has been quite a whirlwind tour. New teachers, new classes, new assignments, new whatever, it all seems so bizarre to me now. In the big scheme of things, 6 months is only a sliver. Yet, now that I'm processing everything, I cannot believe how much I've learned within this tiny fraction of time. Sure, I've learned things like logarithms and vocabulary. However, I believe the most powerful things I've learned are to take advantage of my resources and to accept my mistakes and use them as a source for growth. These steps were especially prominent during English class this semester. In fact, I'm almost positive that English allowed me to make this realization.
I'm incredibly shy when it comes to asking for help. Prior to this year my self-confidence and courage to do so was not up to par. Now, things are different but I must admit that it took some nudging from others. I remember our first essay of the year on Orlando. 29 students piled into the computer lab, and 28 of them anxiously awaited Mr. Allen's feedback. Somewhere in the midst of things, I got lost. I took my seat and believed that the best way to learn in this paper was by myself. I was an independent thinker, and I therefore thought that nobody else could help me. Minute upon minute, I stared at the blank screen feeling hopeless. I was wracking my brain trying to come up with answers, but nothing seemed to fit. With no thesis written within the first 30 minutes of class, I felt doomed. I looked at the two people sitting next to me, and I noticed they had a full page written. At that moment, I realized I needed to get over myself. I finally got up and talked with Mr. Allen. Lo and behold, he had some incredible ideas and suggestions. It was shocking to me that I didn't follow the flow 30 minutes ago. I mean who was I kidding trying to write my first essay of sophomore year without any help? Today, I'm appalled by my behavior. It was immature of me to think that I couldn't ask for help on such an important essay. After that moment, I've learned that with every assignment, I should use my resources. They are there for a reason, and from now on Mr. Allen has been my best friend when it comes to needing advice and guidance.
Another example of my growth during this semester was my battle with perfectionism. This battle arose when the poetry unit came into place. The first draft I handed in, I felt like I really nailed it considering my lack of knowledge with poetry. However, when I received the draft back, obviously my brain was not in tune. Purple markings splattered all across my paper, and I was devastated. I'd worked so hard on that assignment trying to make it perfect, that I lost sight of my own emotions and voice. So, when the next stage was assigned, I tried my best to create a perfect poem. Yet once again, my high standards and obsession with perfection led me into the dark. Time and time again, I repeated my old ways. Until finally, I soaked in what I needed to do: change. I deleted my poem and started fresh. I kept the same ideas, but revamped the entire poem into a craft of my mind and emotions. I followed my heart as opposed to what I thought the definition of perfect would be. I realized that my struggles were all due to my mentality of trying to create a perfect poem instead of using my own thoughts, feelings and creativity. Afterward, I couldn't help but feel ecstatic about the progress I made. While it may seem like an oxymoron, the best way to succeed is to fail. I learned so much from my failures and they helped me be where I am today.
Next semester, I hope to keep improving on my realizations from this semester. I hope that my learning is able to make these realizations blossom into my own identity. I recognize my previous mistakes now, and I want to move past them. However, I am thankful for these mistakes because they've allowed me to reach my potential now.
Sydney,
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for talking about how you learned that the best writing you can do is the writing of your own genuine, unique voice. I think this is something that many of our classmates were forced to realize this semester in English. We each had our own ideas of perfection, which tended to be writing along the lines of a scholarly, unreal voice. This was what always worked for us and what we believed was what we were working for. However, like you, many of us realized that what is truly closest to perfection is the voice of our genuine selves. Unlike many of our previous teachers, Mr. Allen did not reward the scholarly voice, but encouraged us to use our own voice. It was hard for many of us to break our old habits, but when we finally began to write in our own voices, our writing moved up to a whole new level. All of us have became much better writers because of this, so thank you for reflecting on it because I think it is one of the most important writing skills we will ever learn.
Sydney, I totally agree with your shift; asking teachers for help is crucial to survival in high school. Just like you, I started sophomore year with the fear that my ideas would be criticized and destroyed if I “dared” to share in class. Although I am not shy at all (as you know, I’m a theatre nerd), I still worried that my thoughts were not “worthy” of an Academy classroom discussion. Just as you did with your “Orlando” essay, my “King Lear” test grade gave me the incentive to finally ask Mr. Allen for help.
ReplyDeleteWhen I received my grade on that assignment, I was devastated and enraged. After finally cooling down, I recognized that I made some serious mistakes on the test, and I decided to talk with him about the test. He gave me some great advice and really cheered me up. As you put it, I had finally “gotten over myself.” This mindset was extremely influential in my success as an English student this semester, just as it was for you.
I’m so glad we share the same views on asking teachers for advice. I know it will pay off in the future!